How Did I Get Here?

Do you ever find yourself asking where you would be without someone? Like the thought of losing them makes you want break down? I have only found myself there twice in all my years if existence.

I’ve spent the majority of my life solo. It doesn’t bother me. I am ok to be alone with me. I like me. But recently I have found myself smitten with someone. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I realized I’m head over heels about this person. His laugh, his humor, his ability to make the noise in my head quiet. If you have that problem, mental noise, you know how important it is when you find someone who makes it quiet.

I worry about the day it ends. I know it is going to crush me. It will wreck me. The thoughts of never laughing like he makes me laugh ever again, hurts. Sometimes you find your person and you just know.

I’ve done a fair bit of trying to dismiss it all. Tell myself it’s not real. He’s not real. I tell myself I am to broken for this. But I want it. I want it to work. I want to keep laughing. I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t met him. I know I was happy before but I can’t imagine my life without. Where would I be without knowing him these past several months? I cannot imagine it. It’s like he’s always been there. Always making me feel whole and loved and most importantly he makes me feel like I am enough. It’s so rare for me to feel like I’m enough.