I’m sitting alone on my couch. Where I have been for the majority of four years. Repeated heart break has a way of keeping you to yourself. Jokes on you heart break, I like being alone with me. I’m funny as hell, so take that. But that’s besides the point. I was there, minding my business when my phone rings. Why do so many life changing things happen when a phone rings? It’s my brother asking if I want to talk to my uncle, the uncle i haven’t heard from in about fifteen years! Heck yes I want to talk to him!!!
we talk for three hours or more. Something you may not know is Have lost about ninety-two percent of my family in the span of about eight years so hearing the voice of a man who can memories of my childhood with, let’s just say it was intant tears of joy. As the conversation winds down, only because I have to be an adult and go work the next day, he asks if I want to get together when he is in town just after New Years. ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY!!!!
Cut to three weeks later my phone rings again. It’s my uncle and he’s in town. I fly around my house and put on my favorite comfy sweater of “invisibility” and zoom out the door. The twenty minute drive across town felt like hours and seconds all at the same time. I walk in the gas station he is at and it’s like time hadn’t passed and we hadn’t lost so much. I was instantly a child and all the happiness that life has sucked from me was thrust back in an overwhelming wave. I may have cried in a gas station. But at least for a good reason. We hug and we head back to my cousins house to catch up. A cousin I hadn’t seen in an equal amount of time, that story is for another day. We sit and catch up for a bit and then with all his “The Dude” glory cousin Jimmy walks in the front door, beer in hand and the real fun begins. The laughter echos for hours and the memories are flowing like a chocolate fountain at a wedding.
We wind down the memory party and Jimmy suggest I come see his new place. I get a little nervous, see this is the most outside I have done in a very long time. I dig deep and pep talk my sweater into helping me socialize for a little longer. I follow him halfway back across town to his place. A cute little place. We get out of our vehicles and I hear he’s on the phone with a friend of his. “Yeah man, just come on over, I’m home “. I’m sorry what? I am not prepared for strangers. Not at all! I smile nervously and ask “sooo who was that?”. “Just my buddy, he wants to hang out”. The first thought that comes to kind is “HOLY SHIT!”. Panic has taken over and I am in serious need of an anxiety medication. Have I not peopled enough today? How am I going survive this? Breathe. Breathe. Breathe! I go inside the house and quickly find the couch and curl up in the corner with the best view of the house and wait for new people and pray I can act normal. Ha! Fat chance of that. I am the queen of awkward.
Oh but little did I know it would be the awkward beginning of the best and worst years of my life.
How Did I Get Here? 